Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dear Journal...

Decent day today.
 i didn't cry and i got a lot of stuff done and had time at the end of the day to hang out with my "boyfriends" vickie and deb!
i don't have homework that i had to get done tonight so me and vickie got to watch 2 episodes of ugly betty! I really like that show.
I got my photographs ready to be mounted tomorrow. 
oh and i got a 9.5 in one of them!!
i got an 8 on the other one but i'm going to turn in other photo to replace that one.
i really want an A in my photo class and i'm going to work really hard to get it! even if it kills me!!!!
Tyler is dumb!
i met Kara today.
i love how i run away when lynzie is in the same room as tyler.... uh watevers!
i talked to talia today and that made me happy and i talked to heather the other day and it was really nice.
me and heather might do a kids with camera's kind of thing!
I'm excited!!

"...and it was called yellow... your only skin and bones, turned into something beautiful... you know i loved you so..."

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

watching terrible tv kills all thoughts

i seriously hate where i am. i dont mean the state or the current room where i am. 
i feel like i'm stuck and I'm not going anywhere. 
i don't want to feel like i'll never be good enough, like i have failed in life, like I'm running on empty, like i cant make things right, like no one will ever love me. 
I don't want to feel this way anymore.
i want my confidence back. i want to feel safe and secure with my friends. i don't want to think about the past anymore
I don't want to feel like this. I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

I went back to read some e-mails that i got from sheen and they were sooo cute and i want him back. I want someone like sheen. he was so nice and cute and i made him nervous and he made me feel the same way. he was truly amazing! i want to find someone like him again!
i deserve someone like him. 
i was an idiot for letting him go. i was an idiot for thinking about tyler when i was talking to sheen. 

i can't see the big picture. all i can do is move forward do my best and know that heavenly father will lift my burdens and i will see the purpose for my trials.
goodnight its 1:42 am

Thursday, May 8, 2008


it funny how i still say that i am from Roswell, Ga and i have been living in Lawrenceville from July- December and in Idaho since january 07 and i am currently in Idaho. Idaho is more home to me than where my parents live. I have my family, Hey Cait, Talia, Peter, and Heather in Ga they are the only reasons why i would go back. But i honestly don't want to go back. Last time i got home there was someone who was waiting for me to get home and in some way it made me more excited to go home. This time when i go back home that extra person wont be there and i hate that i feel like if they aren't there then home isn't that exciting or interesting anymore. 

i should be outside taking photographs for my class.
Peace and Love

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Be Safe

and from time to time i do think about when he was really cute to me.
and it is better to just forget about those feelings.
my bishop is opening an account so that i can start on filling out my mission papers!

love always me.