Wednesday, May 28, 2008

watching terrible tv kills all thoughts

i seriously hate where i am. i dont mean the state or the current room where i am. 
i feel like i'm stuck and I'm not going anywhere. 
i don't want to feel like i'll never be good enough, like i have failed in life, like I'm running on empty, like i cant make things right, like no one will ever love me. 
I don't want to feel this way anymore.
i want my confidence back. i want to feel safe and secure with my friends. i don't want to think about the past anymore
I don't want to feel like this. I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

I went back to read some e-mails that i got from sheen and they were sooo cute and i want him back. I want someone like sheen. he was so nice and cute and i made him nervous and he made me feel the same way. he was truly amazing! i want to find someone like him again!
i deserve someone like him. 
i was an idiot for letting him go. i was an idiot for thinking about tyler when i was talking to sheen. 

i can't see the big picture. all i can do is move forward do my best and know that heavenly father will lift my burdens and i will see the purpose for my trials.
goodnight its 1:42 am

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